Letters to the Ice Miser

ICE MISER LETTER BASKET

FROM: Louise
Harrisburg, PA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s the most exciting thing at an NHL Hockey game"!?!

ICE MISER: "It’s a tie between the hot-dogs and the Zamboni"!!!

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FROM: Jasmine
Wake Forest, NC

Dear Ice Miser,

"What are your favorite Holiday movies"!?!

ICE MISER: "Christmas Story, Its a Wonderful Life and the Exorcist"!!!

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FROM: Lee Ann
Deereborne, MI

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you have any New Years resolutions"!?!

ICE MISER: "Twice as much sugar intake in 2004"!!!

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FROM: James
Green Bay, WI

Dear Ice Miser,

“You’d better not pout, you’d better not cry”???

ICE MISER: "Why cuz Frosty the snowman will poke you in the eye"!?!

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FROM: Rug Rat
Chicago, IL

Dear Ice Miser,

"What did Santa bring you for Christmas"?!?

ICE MISER: "New skates, an NHL 2004 video game and a Hooters Girl"!!!

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FROM: David
New York, NY

Wassu Dog,

"What happen’s if I hit the ice"???

ICE MISER: "Go for it! “If you accidentally get hurt the ice is already there"!

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FROM: Rosemary
Tampa Bay, FL

Dear Ice Miser,

"What do they call those little black and white striped guys on the ice"???

ICE MISER: "Clowns"!!!

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FROM: Spanky
Santa Monica, CA

Dear Mr. Miser,

"Can Buckwheat play goal"???

ICE MISER: "O’Tay"!!!

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FROM: Darla
West Hollywood, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do Ice Girls have more fun"!

ICE MISER: "Ice Misers do"!!!

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FROM: Buster
West Haven, CT

Dear Ice Miser,

"What is the definition of a “Weapon of Mass Destruction"???

ICE MISER: "Grampa digesting a bowl of Granny’s Pea Soup"!!!

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FROM: Cliff
Dallas, TX

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s faster ON-ICE”? “A goalie, or a Zamboni"???

ICE MISER: "A speeding hot-dog"!!!

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FROM: Melissa
Wilmington, DE

Dear Ice Miser,

"I keep dreaming I’m in strange ice rinks in foreign lands"???

ICE MISER: "Sons Hockey Tournament eh"!?!

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FROM: Billy
San Jose, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Hey, someone said it was chilly outside"???

ICE MISER: "Hang on, I’ll go inside and get a spoon"!!!

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FROM: Gene
Omaha, NE

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you like Jumbo Trons"???

ICE MISER: "I like Jumbo hot-dogs with mustard and relish"!!!

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FROM: Geoff
Alameda, CA

Hey Ice Miser,

"Who’s your favorite guitar player"???

ICE MISER: "It’s a tie between Tiny Tim and Ted Nugent"!!!

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FROM: Ace
Manhattan, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"Whats the funniest thing you could do on New Years Eve"???

ICE MISER: "Give Saddam a sex change and send him back to IRAQ"???

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FROM: Wendy
Phoenix, AZ

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s for dinner dude"???

ICE MISER: "Wendy’s late night drive thru of course"!!!

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FROM: Grampa Miser
Miserville, USA

Dear Grandson,

"Grandma says I have gas"???

ICE MISER: "Lay off the Steak n Shake chili eh"!!!

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FROM: Grandma Miser
Miserville, USA

Hey your little twerp,

"What’s worse than your Grampa’s chili farts"???

ICE MISER: "Jessica Simpson singing"!?!

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FROM: Adrian
Denver, CO

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do I get my little brother to stay out of my room"???

ICE MISER: "Fart alot"!!! ( Works great for Grampa )

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FROM: Bobby
Detroit, MI

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s more hanus than an NHL lockout"???

ICE MISER: "Eminem ON-ICE"!?!

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FROM: Ralph
West Hampshire, RI

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever bought anything off the TV Home Shopping Network"???

ICE MISER: "Just what I need a sword and a lawn chair"!

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FROM: Tim
Houston, TX

Dear Ice Miser,

"Who’s tougher”? “Tie Domi or Mr. T"???

ICE MISER: "I pity the fool that can eat more hot-dogs than me"!!!

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FROM: Julia
Crookestown, MN

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do you stay warm in the winter"???

ICE MISER: "Playstation 2 and a fried bologna sandwich"?!?

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FROM: Susan
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Betcha can’t skate faster than my granny"???

ICE MISER: "I’d bet my dad could beat up your dad"!!!

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FROM: Goofy
Anaheim, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Are you coming to Disneyland this year"???

ICE MISER: "I’d rather go see Santa Claus at the mall"!!!

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FROM: Ted
Johnstown, PA

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do I score an Grampa Ice Miser Hat Trick"???

ICE MISER: "Clobber a Ref, skate into the Zamboni and score a round of
hot-dogs in the penalty box in one game"!!!

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FROM: Tommy
San Diego, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever get a DUI"???

ICE MISER: "Cousin Eb got a ZUI once"!!! ( Zamboning under the influence )

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FROM: Cliff
I-HOP

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever tried the rooty tooty fresh and fruity pancakes"???

ICE MISER: "Dude, I was eating at I-HOP when you were just a little red neck”!!!

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FROM: Benji
Wall, NJ

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s your favorite TV show"???

ICE MISER: "The woob woob woob Three Stooges"!!!

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FROM: Jessie
Savannah, GA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Did the Devil go down to Georgia"???

ICE MISER: "Don’t know Jimmy Bob, but Couisn Eb went to New Orleans once"!?!

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FROM: Archie
Riverdale, IN

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you ever get tired of Ice Hockey"???

ICE MISER: "Only if my ex-wife is the Referee"!!!

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FROM: Wolf Gang Puck
Los Angeles, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What is so tasty about a game hot-dog"???

ICE MISER: "What’s up with that name dude"???

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FROM: Raymond
Denver, CO

Dear Ice Miser,

"What do you think about those new NHL safety nets"!?!

ICE MISER: "Pay attention to the game and you won't get whacked with the puck"!!!

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FROM: Phil
St. Louis, MO

Dear Ice Miser,

"What's better than NHL safety nets"!?!

ICE MISER: "Helmet Night"???

FROM: Christy
Raleigh, NC

Dear Ice Miser,

"Trick or treat"!?!

ICE MISER: "Smell my feet, gimme somethin good to eat"!?!

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FROM: Katie
Meadowlands, NJ

Dear Ice Miser,

"How's school"!?!

ICE MISER: "Recess is cool"!!!

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FROM: Keith
London, England

Hey Mate,

“Can I send you a Christmas Card this year”???

ICE MISER: "How about Ginger Spice"!!! ( No Heinz Beans please )

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FROM: Todd
Seattle, Washington

Dear Ice Miser,

"Who’s your favorite Stooge"?!?

ICE MISER: "I’m a Moe man"!!!

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FROM: Mariah
Montgomery, AL

Hi Icy,

"What the hells goin’ on you good lookin’ hunk of ice you"???

ICE MISER : "Goin’ fishin’"!!!

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FROM: Kimberly
Dickson, TN

"Ya’ll I’m drunk"!!!

ICE MISER: "That’s the sexiest thing a girl ever said to me"!!!

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FROM: Mothers Against Drunk Driving
Responsible Person, USA

Dear Mr. Miser,

"I hope little miss Kimberly from Dickson TN is not drinking and driving"???

ICE MISER: "No Mammy, I’m taking her home on my Zamboni"!!!

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FROM: Chris
Columbus, Ohio

Hey dude!

"What's better at 3 am? “Krystals or White Castle"!

ICE MISER: "I-HOP"!!!

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FROM: Eugene
Chicago, IL

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever been white water rafting"???

ICE MISER: "I’ve been white water drowning"!!!

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FROM: Patty
San Diego, CA

Hi Ice Miser,

"Ever been to Sea World"???

ICE MISER: "I went out with a fat girl once"!!!

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FROM: Jessie
Littleton, CO

Dear Ice Miser,

"How’s the Hockey Granny’s pie recipe"???

ICE MISER: "Burp"!!!

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FROM: Kelly
Bangor, MA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Why does my kids hockey coach snooze during practice"???

ICE MISER: "Too much viagra"!?!

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FROM: Rhonda
Redlands, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What position do you play the best"???

ICE MISER: "Lead concession stand"!!!

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FROM: Auntie Miser
Miserville, USA

Dear Nephew,

"Where are those home movies you were going to send"???

ICE MISER: "Sorry they ended up on Americas Funniest Home Videos"!!!

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FROM: Melissa
Hampton, NY

Dear Mr. Miser,

"What's your moms favorite rock album"???

ICE MISER: "Barry Manilow Live at the Velveta Cheese Fest"!!!

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FROM: Chief Smoke’em Bowl
Indian Reservation, NM

How,

"I trade you 3 wild horses for set of new Zamboni tires"???

ICE MISER: "3 wild indian girls and it’s a deal"???

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FROM: Lisa
Green Bay, WI

Hi Ice Miser,

"How do you stay so young and cold"???

ICE MISER: "Old Timers don’t die, they just keep their skates sharpened"!!!

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FROM: Fire Marshall Bill
NYFD, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you know how to use 911"???

ICE MISER: "If my ass is on fire"!!!

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FROM: Grampa Ice Miser
Loveland, CO

Hey Boy,

"How they hangin"???

ICE MISER: "Like your shopping cart gig at K-Mart"???

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FROM: Raquel
Hollywood, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Wanna go body surfing for Halloween"???

ICE MISER: "Your costume or mine"?!?

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FROM: Jodi
Detroit, MI

Dear Ice Miser,

"Is your refrigerator running"???

ICE MISER: "I don’t know, but I’d better go catch it"!!!

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FROM: Daphne
Washington, DC

Dear Ice Miser,

"Who was the first American President"???

ICE MISER: "Gordie Howe"???

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FROM: Tom
Dallas, TX

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do I score girls"???

ICE MISER: "Score goals"!!!

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FROM: Pete
Tampa, FL

Dear Ice Miser,

"How fast can you skate and eat a hot-dog"???

ICE MISER: "I can eat a hot-dog alot faster than I can skate"?!?

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FROM: Joyce
New Haven, CT

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s your favorite part of a hockey game"???

ICE MISER: "About the 10th round of beers"!!!

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FROM: Eric
Anaheim, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s the most exciting hockey fight you’ve ever seen"???

ICE MISER: "That’s easy, mom hitting my little brother over the head with a
hockey stick at the dinner table"!!!

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FROM: Big Mac
St. Louis, MO

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you think baseball is dangerous"???

ICE MISER: "Foul ball + full beer + hot-dog = headwound"!!!

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FROM: Big D
Compton, CA

Yo dog,

"Have you ever been in a drive-by"???

ICE MISER: "I’ve been to a drive-thru"!!

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FROM: Wes
Louisville, KY

Dear Ice Miser,

"Where you going for Thanksgiving this year"???

ICE MISER: "Hooter’s"!!!

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FROM: Jill
Buffalo, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"Coke or Pepsi"???

ICE MISER: "No Coke, Pepsi"!!!

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FROM: Betty Lou
Little Rock, AK

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s more exciting than a hockey game"???

ICE MISER: "Granny whacking the Chuck E. Cheese rat with her giant soup spoon"!?!

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FROM: Ron
North Dakota

Dear Ice Miser,

"Have you seen my horse"???

ICE MISER: "No, but I saw your ex wife"!!!

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FROM: Freddy Kruger
Nightmare On Elm St.

Dear Ice Miser,

"Sleep kills"!!!

ICE MISER: "Not as bad as moms goals against average"!!!

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FROM: Roger
San Jose, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What do I get my wife for Christmas this year"???

ICE MISER: "Shoes and Sharks season seat tickets"!?!

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FROM: Sarah
San Jose, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What do I get my husband this year for Christmas"???

ICE MISER: "Viagra and a new nine iron"!?!

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FROM: Eb the new Ref
Mobile, AL

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s Icing"???

ICE MISER: "Got bowling ball"???

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FROM: Joanne
Green Bay, WI

Dear Ice Miser,

"Why do Referee’s wear black and white stripes"???

ICE MISER: "So hunters can spot them easier in the woods"!?!

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FROM: Shelly
Scottsdale, AZ

Dear Ice Miser,

"Should I hit the ice before or after church"???

ICE MISER: "Definitely after coffee"!!!

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FROM: Willy
San Diego, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What's easier than skating"???

ICE MISER: "Falling"!?!

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FROM: Vinnie
New York, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do skate faster"???

ICE MISER: "Lose weight"!!!

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FROM: Rodney
Toronto ONT, Canada

Dear Ice Miser eh,

"How do I lose weight"???

ICE MISER: "Sell your refrigerator"!?!

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FROM: Tina
Taco Bell, TX

Dear Ice Miser eh,

"How do I Sell my refrigerator"???

ICE MISER: "E-bay"!?!

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FROM: Fredrick
Raleigh, NC

Dear Ice Miser,

"How come referees don’t play hockey"???

ICE MISER: "Ref’s get more ice time"!!!

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FROM: Katie
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Are you into street hockey"???

ICE MISER: "As long as ma’ isn’t in net"!!! ( She swings a mean vacuum )

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FROM: Melinda
Commack, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"Can you do a figure 8 on ice"???

ICE MISER: "Not in a pink tu-tu"!?!

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FROM: Marcus
Nashville, TN

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever been Ice Fishing"???

ICE MISER: "No, but I caught a mermaid off the coast of Florida once"!!!

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FROM: Danny
Atlanta, GA

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do I get my dad to stop snoring on the couch"???

ICE MISER: "Marshall stack turned up to 11"!!!

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FROM: Linda
Monroeville, PA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Can I rollerblade my dog"???

ICE MISER: "How will you get his little paws in skates"???

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FROM: Mom
Miserville, USA

Dear son,

"Your a little smart ass, she meant can she rollerblade with her dog"!?!

ICE MISER: "Just watch out for cats and hills"!!!

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FROM: Mugsy
Detroit, MI

Dear Rat Fink,

"Yoooooooou dirty rat, you killed my brother"!?!

ICE MISER: "Did he coach or play forward"???

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FROM: Kurt
Los Angeles, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Where can I pick up a hot date"???

ICE MISER: "Bed, Bath and Beyond"!!! ( Saturday afternoon )

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FROM: Chevy
Glendale, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"I’m Chevy Chase and your not"!?!

ICE MISER: "That’s ok, cuz I’m a wild and crazy guy"!!!

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FROM: Karla
Reno, NV

Dear Ice Miser,

"What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and O.J"???

ICE MISER: "O.J walked"?!?

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FROM: Uncle Johnny
St. Louis, MO

Dear Ice Miser,

"What is hockey’s most lethal weapon"???

ICE MISER: "Granny’s giant Soup Spoon on the powerplay"!!!

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FROM: Sam
Las Vegas, NV

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you like Tiger Woods"???

ICE MISER: "I like soggy Tony Tiger Cornflakes"!!!

FROM: Dominique
Hermosa Beach, CA

Dear Icy,

“Wanna come rollerblade at the beach with me and my girlfriend”!?!

ICE MISER: "Does Rap suck"!?!

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FROM: Megan
Philadelphia, PA

Hi Ice Miser,

“What will you be doing all summer”???

ICE MISER: "Looks like Rollerblading at the beach with 2 chicks in L.A"!?!

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FROM: Johnny
St. Louis, MO

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you know how to fix the carb on a Honda Trail 70"?!?

ICE MISER: "Sure, got a hammer"???

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FROM: Steve’o
Phoenix, AZ

Dear Ice Miser,

"Hey man, ever been jet skiing"?

ICE MISER : "No, but I fell off the roof once cleaning the gutters"!

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FROM: James
Columbus, OHIO

Dear Ice Miser,

"Wanna go fishing this summer bro"???

ICE MISER: "I’ll be rollerblading @ the beach with 2 babes in LA, but thanks
for the invite dude man"!

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FROM: National Enquirer
Media Buttwipeville, USA

Dear Mr. Miser,

"Rumor has it your getting married to a mascot in a duck suit"???

ICE MISER: "Bro, did you get into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t
watching"???

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FROM: Jeff Spacole
Ridgemount High, CA

Hey Bud!

"A cool buzz and some tasty waves is all I need"!

ICE MISER: "Hey man, can you get some Rush concert tickets from that dude at
the movie theater"???

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FROM: Bubba and Sally Sue
Mount Juliet, TN

Hey what’a ya’ know,

"Pred’s fan here"! "Bet I can drink ya’ under the table boy"???

ICE MISER: "Beer or Kool-Aid"???

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FROM: Kristy
Atlanta, GA

Hi Ice Miser,

"Wanna come play on my backyard waterslide this summer"???

ICE MISER: "Does whiney ass R & B suck"!?!

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FROM: Bert and Ernie
Sesame St, PBS

Hey Mr. Ice Miser Sir,

"Who would be better on the powerplay, Big Bird or the Cookie Monster"?

ICE MISER: "Swedish Chef and Grover"!

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FROM: Mom
Miserville, USA

Dear you little twerp,

"What did you buy dad for Fathers Day"???

ICE MISER: "What else, a Hooters gift certificate"??? ( Dad loves a winner
which is why he hates me ).

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FROM: Butch
Raleigh, NC

Dear Ice Miser,

"What are your favorite TV show’s"???

ICE MISER: "NHL 2Night, the Weather Channel and Cartoons"?

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FROM: Otis
Mayberry, NC

Dear Mr. Miser,

"How many ‘hic’ beers come in a ‘hic’12 pack"???

ICE MISER: "I think your a few beers short of a 6 pack son"!!!

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FROM: Jody
Desert Hot Springs, CA

Dear Mr. Miser,

"What’s the best way to clean your swimming pool"???

ICE MISER: " A little Rum and Bacardi 151, and some chlorine"???

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FROM: Justin
Kansas City, MO

Ice Miser,

"How much is your hockey trading card worth"???

ICE MISER: "A little Rum and Bacardi 151, and some chlorine"???

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FROM: Max
Chicago, IL

Dear Ice Miser,

"Why does my slap shot bite the big one"???

ICE MISER: "Try taking a scoop out of the ice when you shoot"! "And lay off
that bag of chocolate son. Your gonna get zits boy"!

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FROM: Grandma Miser
Bahama Momma, Islands

Hey ya’ lil creep,

"What the hell happened to my mothers day card"???

ICE MISER: "Sorry Grandma I was saving up for Dads Hooters Gift
Certificate"??? ( Still in the will? )

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FROM: Little Piggy
Blow yer House Down, NJ

Dear Mr. Miser,

"How do you bodycheck a bad ole’ wolf killing a penalty"???

ICE MISER: "Can a giant hot-dog with 4 legs bodycheck a wolf"???

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FROM: Bad Ole Wolf
Hollywood, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s the best way to roast 3 little piggies on the powerplay"???

ICE MISER: "Well done with extra mustard and relish"!!!

FROM: Jason
Portland, OR

Dear Ice Miser,

“Band-aids or duck tape”!?!

ICE MISER: "Boo Boo or stick blade"!

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FROM: Chris
Long Island, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

“Are you and Islanders fan”???

ICE MISER: "Well, I never miss the Ice Girls shoveling"!?!

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FROM: Sam
Lancaster, OH

Dear Ice Miser,

"What do fans do if a puck is coming"?!?

ICE MISER: "DUCK"!!!

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FROM: Ed
Long Island, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"Now that the Isles are out of the playoffs, will I ever see the Ice Girls
again"?

ICE MISER : "Well, Charlie’s Angels is always on Nick at Night pal"!

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FROM: Fred the Barber
Sadona, AZ

Dear Earthling,

"Did Aliens steal Barry Melrose's Mullet"???

ICE MISER: "Not sure, I’m waiting for the next milk carton to come out”!

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FROM: Sandra
Hickman, KY

Hey Sweetie,

"Your big pointy ice sickle nose is sexy"!

ICE MISER: "Geez thanks, got it from mom ya’know". “Got teeth”???

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FROM: Herb
Amsterdam, Holland

Dear Miser,

"Ever been to a hockey hash bar"???

ICE MISER: "Only if there's a 24 hour Krispy Kreme drive thru close by"???

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FROM: Regina
Woodland Hills, CA

Hi Ice Miser,

"What’s an Ice Miser Hat trick"???

ICE MISER: "You have to score a cheap goal, bust your eye on the goal post
and toss a thrown octopus on the ice back into the crowd!

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FROM: Bob
Boston, MA

Yo Ice Miser,

"What the hell happened to my Bruins this year"???

ICE MISER: "Ray Bourque should have played one more year"!

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FROM: Jimi
Seattle, WA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Which is your favorite National Anthem, USA or O’Canada"???

ICE MISER: "2112 by Rush"!

FROM: The High Stickin' Toothless Bastard in the Great White North

Hey Ice Miser,

“What’s the best way to close a gash on a forehead”!?!

ICE MISER: "Duck Tape"!

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FROM: Killer
The Penalty Box

Dear Ice Miser,

“How do I score a hot-dog if I’m in the box for a 10 Minute major”???

ICE MISER: "Hurl your water bottle at Haji the Hot-Dog vendor"!

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FROM: Cindy
Dallas, TX

Dear Ice Miser,

"Who rocks more than Texas Girl Hockey Fans"?!?

ICE MISER: "Ted Nugent"!?!

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FROM: Little Debbie
Snack Cakeville

Dear Ice Miser,

"Do you know why my name is Little Debbie"???

ICE MISER: "Cuz your fat from eating too many Snack Cakes"??? “They should call you Big Debbie Snack Cakes instead”!!!

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FROM: Chad @ Blockbuster Video
Down the street from Waffle House, TN

Dear Sir,

"Your account is seriously past due"! “Our records show you still have not returned the following videos: “Beavis n Butthead do Rosie O’Donnell in America”, “Friday the 13th Part 12 Jason Goes Ice Fishing”, “Abbott and Costello meet Barney Fief” ( Barney played by Neil Smith ), and “It used to be a Wonderful Life”! Please remit ASAP.

ICE MISER: "Does that mean I can’t rent Slap Shot 2”!?!

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FROM: Grammy Foundation
Hollywood, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Have you ever won any awards"???

ICE MISER: "I was the 1 millionth customer at a Wendys drive thru once"!

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FROM: Steven Spielberg
Hollywood, CA

Mr. Miser,

"Are you going to see my great film ET 2002 at the movie theater"???

ICE MISER: "Theres enough Aliens down at the local strip joint Pal”! “Personally I’d much rather see you do a remake of Duel”!

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FROM: Ed
Sunnytown, FL

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever been golfing in Florida"???

ICE MISER: "No, but I was chased by an alligator playing putt-putt once"!

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FROM: Matthew
Seapoint, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do you score"???

ICE MISER: "Shoot! Shoot! Shoot”!!!

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FROM: Matthew Again
Seapoint, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"No, I meant how do you score with babes"???

ICE MISER: "Take a bath, move out of your parents and get a job"!

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FROM: Hunter
Huntington Park, NJ

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever had a few beers and driven the Zamboni"???

ICE MISER: "I never drink and drive"! “Just what I need, a Z.U.I.”!

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FROM: Nikki
San Jose, CA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever hugged a tree"???

ICE MISER: "No, but I got a stick in the chops once”!

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FROM: Hockey Nut
Chicago, IL

Dear Ice Miser,

“So is the NBA really going to take over ESPN and diss Puck’age”!?!

ICE MISER: "NBA Basketball would be alot more exciting with goalies and fighting...
Then again...someone would eventually pull a gun or knife"!

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FROM: Hawkeye Pierce
MASH

Dear Ice Miser,

“Hows your Martini taste”???

ICE MISER: "GREAT...Just like lighterfluid"!

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FROM: Hoser
North of the border

Dear Ice Miser,

"How come ESPN announcers are not as exciting as CBC announcers"?!?

ICE MISER: "Cuz ya’ll are freezing your nuts off up there"!?!

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FROM: Ice Miser
My Palace Beach Estate

Dear Hoser,

"How come a Canadian NHL team hasn’t made the finals in a while"???

HOSER: "Cuz we traded Gretzky and Roy...Or it’s them Damn Foreigners"!

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FROM: Little Old Lady
Pasadena Skate Shop

Hey Sonny,

"When are you going to come pick up your freakin skates"???

ICE MISER: "Sorry, I’ve been on Ebay Grandma”!

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FROM: Jim Bob
Louisville, KY

Howdy Partner,

"When ya’ gonna post some more Ice Girls Pictures"???

ICE MISER: "Lonely Jim Bob"???

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FROM: Mick
Reseda, CA

Mr. Miser,

"Got any Pepsi Ice Girl phone numbers"???

ICE MISER: "No, but I got a cool snow shovel in my garage"!

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FROM: Jessica
Burbank, CA

Hi Icy,

"Got a Hockey Sweeheart"???

ICE MISER: "Yes... a Red 100 Watt Marshall Amplifier"!

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FROM: Jamie
Manhattan, NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s your neighbor downstairs think of your LOUD amplifier"???

ICE MISER: "What"?

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FROM: Sam
New Orleans, LA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Got any advise for my kid whos learning to play hockey"???

ICE MISER: "Yeah, learn how to skate and lay off those twinkies"!

FROM: Psychic Idiot Hot Line
Philadelphia, PA

“Do you have any New Years resolutions”!?!

ICE MISER: "Yes, I would like to drink less beer and get more goals"!?!

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FROM: Bob
North of the Border

“Is there 7 feet of snow in your driveway”!

ICE MISER: "No, but theres 7 pounds of Snackcakes in my kitchen"!

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FROM: Sid Vicious
UK

Hey ya’ Bloody Wanker,

"Real men don't need cold beer mate"!!!

ICE MISER: "I drink Pepsi bloke"!?!

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FROM: David
Mesa, AZ

Dear Ice Miser,

"Howmuchwoodcouldawoodchuckchuckifawoodchuckcouldchuckwood"???

ICE MISER: "Who the hell did Chuck Wood play goal for"!

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FROM: Simon
Vancouver BC

Dear Ice Miser,

"What profession would you like to pursue besides being a diabolical hockey cartoon character"???

ICE MISER: "I’d like to be a stripclub DJ in Texas”!

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FROM: Pamela Sue
Malibu, CA

Hi Icy Baby,

"Do you like to swim"???

ICE MISER: "Why does Baywatch do frozen pond rescues"!?!

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FROM: Ivan and Glinda
Grumpyville, Montana

Dear Mr. Miser,

"Who the hell is Michael Fischer"???

ICE MISER: "He’s the artist that draws all this crap"!

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FROM: Joe Bob and Bubba Jean
Dickson, TN

How bout’cha,

"What’da’ ya’know about fixin’ a carb on a 72’ dodge"???

ICE MISER: "Preds fans eh”! ( it’s the only time the hockey team has more teeth than the fans )

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FROM: Quanteesha
East Side

Yo’ Ice Ice Baby,

"Where did you get that phat looking hockey sweater dog"???

ICE MISER: "My dog doesn't wear hockey jerseys"!

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FROM: Moe, Larry, and Curly
Beyond the Silverscreen

Hey Knucklehead!

"Oh a wise guy! Spread out"???

ICE MISER: "Why Soitainly, Yuk Yuk Yuk"!?!

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FROM: Mom
Miserville, USA

Hey Lil’ Mister,

"Do you need your underwear washed and ironed"???

ICE MISER: "Ma"!

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FROM: Kevin
Chicago, IL

Dear Ice Miser,

"Ever been checked into the bench"???

ICE MISER: "No, but I wrote a check for a bench once"!?!

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FROM: Mohammed
Dark Ages

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s Ice"???

ICE MISER: "Not familiar with a Slurpee machine eh"!?!

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FROM: Jill
Portland, OR

Dear Ice Miser,

"How come there's no hockey in the Middle East"???

ICE MISER: "Because there are no rocks and bottles on the ice"!

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FROM: Barry
Ont, Canada

Dear Ice Miser,

"Are you related to the Hockey Granny"???

ICE MISER: "No, but my hair is a shade blue”.

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FROM: John
Atlanta, GA

Hey Ice Miser,

"How’s your flag hanging"???

ICE MISER: "proudly red, white and blue dude"?!!

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FROM: Jack and Sally
NY

Dear Ice Miser,

"How about those NY Islanders"???

ICE MISER: "Nearly as exciting as announcer Jiggs Mac Donald"!

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FROM: Keith
Pittsburgh, PA

Dear Ice Miser,

"Would you rather be a goal judge or a referee"???

ICE MISER: "I’d rather sit on the couch and watch TV"!

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FROM: Cheech
East LA

Hey Ice Dog,

"Have you ever inhaled weed"???

ICE MISER: "No, but I did drink a bottle of couch syrup once"!

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FROM: Beavis and Butthead
Dallas, TX

Hey Miser breath!

"How loud is your...hee-hee... “guitar”...yah...hee-hee"???

ICE MISER: "How phat are your ear plugs"!?!

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FROM: Uncle Sam
Washington, DC

ATT: Ice Miser,

"Have you ever dropped the gloves before"???

ICE MISER: "Yes, and I also dropped my hot-dog and soda"!

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FROM: Alice
Phoenix, AZ

Dear Ice Miser,

"Why do Hostess Ding Dongs look like hockey pucks"???

ICE MISER: "How come Little Debbie isn’t called BIG Debbie"!?!

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FROM: Carrie
Columbus, OH

Dear Ice Miser,

"What’s an Ice Miser Hat Trick"???

ICE MISER: "Miss 3 goals, fall 3 times, and eat 3 hot-dogs in one game"!

FROM: Jannette
LA

Dear Icy Miser,

"How does a hot babe in California get to cool off with the Ice Miser"???

ICE MISER: "As a matter of fact... I am accepting intern applications".

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FROM: Nancy
Las Vegas, NV

Dear Ice Miser,

"How do you skate"???

ICE MISER: "Like a bat outta hell baby"!

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FROM: Yoshi
Tokyo, JAPAN

!!???*%%#,

"{{%^#^%*(%#^^@#??(#%(*#%(#*%!!!%(#&^%#(#%##&!%"???

ICE MISER: "Soy Sauce on a game hot-dog"???

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FROM: Vladimir
SIBERIA

Mister Ice Miser,

"NHL, shoot puck get paycheck"???

ICE MISER: "Just got off the boat eh"???

FROM: Grampa Ice Miser
LOVELAND COLORADO.

Dear Ice Miser,

“Have you ever met the Duke”???

ICE MISER: “Yeah, once when I sat in your favorite chair during Hee Haw”!

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FROM: Rebecca
SUNNY BROOK FARM.

Dear Ice Miser,

“How fast can you skate after 5 hot-dogs and 3 bags of peanuts”???

ICE MISER: “Faster than your granny you little smarty-pants”!?!

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FROM: Nick the Irish Hockey Fan
BRONX.

Dear Ice Miser,

“Have you ever been punched in the nose by an Irish guy from NY”???

ICE MISER: “No but I was once beaten up by a gang of crazed biker nuns in school”.

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FROM: Bobbie Lynn
Hockey Tonk, TN

Dear Ice Miser,

“I would give anything to have your 10 cent rookie card”. “Where can I find one”?

ICE MISER: “Try E-Bay or an old box of Cracker Jacks sis”!?!

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FROM: Bubba
CHICKEN PARM

Dear Ice Miser,

“Would a squeelin’ greased up hog make a better goalie than my sister”???

ICE MISER: “He’d probably make a better hot-dog with extra mustard”!

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FROM: Ice Tray
COMPTON, CALIFORNIA

Yo Ice Miser homey,

“How come more African Americans don't play hockey”???

ICE MISER: “When young African-American kids inquired “how do you play hockey”, their
momma’s told them... “Well, you gotta hit the little black thing”!

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FROM: Kelly
L.A. CALIFORNIA

Dear Ice Miser,

“Were you a disco duck in 1976”???

ICE MISER: “Do elephants step in people”!?!

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FROM: Hockey Granny
ST. LOUIS MISSOURI

Dear Ice Miser,

“Where did you get that funny pointy nose ice face”???

ICE MISER: “Mom of course”!?!

FROM: Ray
BOSTON, MASS.

Dear Ice Miser,

“Do you know what it’s like to get hit in the head with a puck”???

ICE MISER: “No, but if you hum a few bars, I might be able to play it on the organ”!

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FROM: Claude the Goalie
QUEBEC, CANADA

Dear Ice Miser,

“Wee wee le puck in the deja-crease de pepe polly vu le idiot US player not score”?

ICE MISER: “What”!?! “You French guys need to stop the fancy smancy talking and puck
passing stuff and bust somebody in the nose every once in a while”!

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FROM: Hockey Mom
Chicago, IL

Dear Ice Miser,

“How do I get 20 kids in the car to the rink by noon without missing my soaps”???

ICE MISER: “You need speed, accuracy, patience, a mini-van and a good VCR”!

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FROM: Holly
DALLAS TEXAS

Dear Ice Miser,

“Where do pucks come from”???

ICE MISER: “The Puck Stork my dear”!

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FROM: Santa Claus
NORTH POLE

Dear Mr. Ice Miser,

“Can a fat guy in a red suit out-skate 8 shiny reindeer”???

ICE MISER: “If you lay off those milk and cookies”!

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FROM: Rudolph
NORTH POLE

Hey Ice Miser,

“Can 8 shiny reindeer out-skate a fat guy in a red suit”???

ICE MISER: “It doesn't matter cause he can’t stop”!

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FROM: Mrs. Claus
NORTH POLE

Dear Ice Miser,

“Do you think a nice little old lady could beat the crap out of a fat guy in a red suit and his 8 shiny reindeer”???

ICE MISER: “Has the hubby has been playing hockey instead of delivering presents”?

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